i recall nothing

i recall nothing about

the night when i felt so satiated 

by all the scars of my life that 

a suicidal note to him could

only solve my baffled brain. 

i recall nothing about 

the night when i couldn't get 

out of the nightmare of drunk 

rapists running behind to catch 

and ruin my belief in humanity. 

i recall nothing about 

the night when i couldn't sleep

and stop trembling by the loud 

screams of my neighbor's wife

got beaten and stabbed by him. 

i recall nothing about 

the night when i faced a 

sexual assault first time and 

i stumbled upon my choice 

to love effortlessly my man. 

i recall nothing about

the night when i smoked 

the dirt of city and promised

myself to never trust again

while returning my little home. 

i recall nothing about

the night when i found no

sight of adjustment with my

own inabilities and insecurities, 

spitting straight on the mirror. 

i recall nothing about

the night when i told myself

the last time, "i trust him! " 

and looked on the person

standing silent beside me. 

i recall nothing about

the night when i realized

how this dense darkness

reached my face combating

thousand other living faces. 

- chetna 🌻