mayday_calls

you find vaccum  as the biggest loss,  you mean my silence as the meanest move,  you see some growth i see not the same guy,  and then you use words  to please and praise me,  they don't cause much change, they're rusted, looking out for all other options  have i turned so  unable this fast ?  you see some growth i see not the same guy,  I remember picking up ny brother's phone call in between our talks and you stormed the streetlane,  i wish you could stand beside me while i was  choosing my readings struggling on bare street,  this acceleration harms me; when your eyes shine in my absence and they damp when i show myself up, you see some growth i see not the same guy,  my heavens are so unclean that i knead clay to shelter  my jealous zeal in the body of empathetic pretender,  the noise of my love sirens only can be heard when  i am abandoned alone, you need validations straight from my last breath...

friday is the night she fell hard in love, august is the month she dug up her own grave.  secret is the poetry she's writing for him,  Carta Blanca is the  Bacardi she kept for long.  rare is the room she desires to be in, black is the colour  she paints her hands. sacred is the sleep  she wishes daily before bed, dead is the hope  she tried to revive.  pale is the reflection  when she stands in the light, loss is the touchdown she yearns before her death.  trust is the terrible thing she could never stand by,  turth is the smoke she ingests opening her mouth.  timeless is the treachery she gets as warm present,  flawed is the heart  she has anchored for the world.  - chetna 🌻

"dad, i want to get married!  i escaped that old town,  barricades and breakdown.  she has a tempting taste,  i don't find myself go to waste,  the light falls on window panes she rolls the curtains sideways,  my home is filled with hope  she gives me all what i had lost,  i am grinning while texting her she says I'm always doing better,  oh dad, see my brightened face  she is the place, she is the praise,  dad, i want to get married!! " "i am happy for you, my son if she is right with all her might. the same girl who gifted you sight?  the same girl who took you to height?" dad feels proud.  "she is best for me,  her smile gives rest to me." "the same girl who planted the silver ferns?  the same girl for whom you used to yearn?  the same girl who turned your clocks?  the same girl who even melted your rocks?" dad frowns.  he says no,  "but she is not the bride!!! " - chetna 🌻

crescent sand dunes clenching my feet,  scorching sun overhead burning my skins,  dried hollow throat  clutching me like thorns,  counting the miles if i had crossed the  abandoned town,  calculating the hopes if i could have asked and drunk water,  i died knocking at the first door in far flung desert,  i died screaming at  second door where i came flying from the first,  i wished to turn to the third house, but wait thanking to the light of the desert,  i saw the lake  enough fresh and full,  hallucinated eyes and empty hands running towards it, with all  burning scars on my body,  i came nearer, it kept vanishing,  this thirst, this deception and my third wheeling hope was it a false image or illusion?  I saw a Mirage  in the desert.  - chetna 🌻

You love peonies in the garden,  and i love the way you smile at them while plucking and hiding under your coat to keep it fresh.  You love just two sugar cubes in your hard-beaten latte and  i love watching how you stirr it in a way uncommon in our town.  You love your handkerchief put between your trousers and suit  but i love the moment when you are dressed well with briefcase in hand.  You love reading exactly fifty three words from the weekly before the bed  and i love to switch off the lamp while watching you snor with a wide open mouth.  You love mac and cheese on sundays with a bit sweet-spicy toppings over it and i love waking up early on sunday mornings to make your inner child revive.  You love the cool local breeze entering the valley in dusky hours and i love how that wind touches my face after rinsing first your face making me hard to breathe.  You know, now i know what you love.  you know it took me three years to...

in one scene of rains,  two persons in the frame,  three hours of blushing silence,  four seasons of sharing cuisines,  five feelings of mixed emotions,  six reasons for meeting again, seven universes converging,  eight years of long patience,  nine rivers of youthful waters, ten minutes sing all too well.  - chetna 🌻

i'll set the houses ablazed,  and nobody could see me running.  i'll serve blade bites in the soup,  and nobody could see me infecting.  i'll fill the void with sharp arrows,  and nobody could see me grinning.  i'll gift noisome breaths to all,  and nobody could see me polluting.  i'll ditch and will fall for adultery,  and nobody could see me torturing.  - chetna 🌻

in a glass jar of my illusions,  i was pouring the chemical,  dark scarlet in color,  drop by drop, turning myself edacious and endangered,  he brought his hands  close to hold the jar, touched it, insulted and moved back,  then i dropped and  mixed my tears too,  i know he wanted my blood too to mix into,  he touched it in the end but after greasing his haunting horrible hands,  he held the jar,  dropped it free, spilling my scarlet  chemical firstly  and me densely,  he ran away, no one cleaned  the floor for years,  i still feel stuck and stagnant,  i loved the wrong person  yet at the right place,  i gave myself to the wrong person but at the right place.  - chetna 🌻

honey, don't cry while collecting ashes of my last rites please,  but smile at the cluttered clay moulded by your purified hands,  my bones will carry the colours of peace even under holy fires,  honey, cherish the moment of my smile when you find my little raised canine and inclined incisor,  while looking at my nails, please remember my small- sized hands hardly covering half of your hand,  you won't find my heart beating  don't get scared looking at those hollow, abandoned ribs please, my eyes, my nose, my ears,  my skins, my lips, my thighs, you will never caress them again,  honey, i know you will look at  my feet which once you could  find even in crowd of hundreds,  i know you will try to touch me all i know you will try not to sob on me i know you will try to imagine how i would have looked like alive,  but honey please don't cry don't cry while collecting me i would be in the grey ashes,  i would shatter once agai...

i recall nothing about the night when i felt so satiated  by all the scars of my life that  a suicidal note to him could only solve my baffled brain.  i recall nothing about  the night when i couldn't get  out of the nightmare of drunk  rapists running behind to catch  and ruin my belief in humanity.  i recall nothing about  the night when i couldn't sleep and stop trembling by the loud  screams of my neighbor's wife got beaten and stabbed by him.  i recall nothing about  the night when i faced a  sexual assault first time and  i stumbled upon my choice  to love effortlessly my man.  i recall nothing about the night when i smoked  the dirt of city and promised myself to never trust again while returning my little home.  i recall nothing about the night when i found no sight of adjustment with my own inabilities and insecurities,  spitting straight on the mirror.  i recall nothing about th...